I’ve heard that confession is good for the soul. So I’m going to explain this other highlight of my week, in a nutshell (a very small nutshell, at that!)…
Where shall I begin? Let’s see… I went to school in the east in September 2006. Not too long into the year, I found myself liking this guy who sat right in front of me every day in class. How annoying. I did NOT come here to find a guy. So I alternately ignored him, enjoyed him (’cause really, he was a very nice guy), considered killing him on the days he gave my heart trouble (I was not used to being unable to talk myself out of liking a guy), prayed about him a lot, and thoroughly enjoyed his sister Sanderly when she came to visit after November break. (She made me decide that maybe I could survive life in the east after all) Eventually I began hearing rumors back that Sanderly’s brother liked me. Hmm. Interesting. But since when do I believe the rumor mill? Prayed more. This was not fun at all. Phoned Sanderly on a very regular basis, and she would lecture me up and down (I asked for it, really, I promise, I did) and “shake me” verbally, and was a HUGE help in keeping my head screwed on straight and not doing anything stupid.
The day before graduation, Nesser asked if I would be willing to keep in contact through writing. I agreed, and we began to write on a just-friends basis, but knowing we were both interested in more. (oh, whaddaya know, the rumor mill WAS right!) The just-friends basis was real complicated, by the way. Try it sometime. You might go crazy! We wrote and emailed casually for quite a few months, gradually getting to know each other.
At November break he came home from working up north in the bush, and made a quite a few trips up to school in the next couple months. People were commenting he must miss school — he kept coming back to visit! In January, he headed west with his sister Kay, and I must admit I was a rather jealous girl for a while! How dare he go west, to my province, to MY town, to MY KWTers, and to MY family in MY house, no less?! (https://logwenis.wordpress.com/2008/01/29/jan-27-upset-but-laughing/) Yes, I had slight jealousy issues…till I found a cheap flight home for March break. OK, he can play hockey with my home people, I don’t care, I’ll be home soon myself too!
March break turned out to be anything but fun. God showed us very clearly that He was shutting the door on our relationship at that point in time. It didn’t make sense, neither of us understood, and it hurt a lot. The only thing left to do was trust God’s heart in spite of being unable to see His hand or the path clearly. The rest of March and April were not fun at all either! But it was a time of growing stronger in my relationship with God and learning to trust Him even in confusion, and hang on to Him for all I was worth.
In May, right after I got to MDP, God opened the doors again. ???? God!!! What are You doing?! I don’t understand! Do You just like seeing me go up and down like a roller coaster?! But if You’re going to open the doors again — I ain’t gonna complain!! Nesser and I picked up our friendship again, with great relief and thankfulness.
MDPers had a boatload of fun teasing me over the next 6 weeks. Announcements were made in the Dining Hall, I had to fight my way to the phone, or race for it when it rang, my mail was carefully monitored…yup, it was great fun!
Nesser was waiting for me when I came home from MDP at the end of June, and we had some long talks. The result was that we decided to officially move past the “just friends” and seriously check each other out for the purpose of marriage. SCARY!!! But exciting too! We are attempting to go slowly…desiring to be open to what God has to show us, and to be sensitive to His leading…praying that He will guide us.
So..that is my confession in a nutshell. And trust me, yes, that WAS a nutshell!
Wow. Life is a roller coast. Hang on and enjoy the ride, ’cause there ain’t much else you can do!
I am thankful for a God who knows and sees the whole picture, when we can only see some of it. I am thankful for the ways in which He works. Even if they don’t always make sense to me, I know He is working everything out to make me more like Himself…and that is my true good. And thus, whatever He puts in my life to accomplish that goal is also good.