What is this?! A farm!? A zoo!?!?

Some days I feel like I’m running a zoo… The process of feeding 2 cats and 1 dog and managing a child is rather complicated at times.

Step 1:  Let the cats into the addition to eat, so the dog won’t eat their food. Cat #1 (also named Snowball #1) comes flying through the door at breakneck speed.  You’d think I starve them or something.  Really, they COULD go catch a mouse if they’re THAT hungry.  That IS why they exist here.  Apparently I need to sit them down and have a little talk about The Duties of the Cats around here.

Step 2:  Chase the dog (who also came running when I called the cats) away so the second [fraidy-cat, also known as Snowball #2] will , after much convincing, dart past the dog and into the door.

Step 3:  Chase dog out of the addition.

Step 4: (a while later) Place baby on floor in hallway so she can see me and won’t bawl her eyes out while I am out.  CAREFULLY edge through the door into the addition to put cats outside.  Alas, I have failed.  In spite of trying to work my way in carefully so they would not fly past me into the house, Cat #1 has bolted into the house.  Baby watches wide-eyed as I chase Cat #1 down the hallway and pick it up by the scruff of the neck, which is supposed to temporarily halt any claw activity on its part.  This worked when it was a kitten but I think the paralyzer-muscles are bigger than me now.  Cat #1 claws me as I push it into the addition and pull the house door safely shut behind me.

Step 5:  Open outside door to let the cats out.  Fill dog’s dish.  Whistle for dog.  Measha AND Stray Dog come running.  We haven’t shot at the air near Stray Dog yet because Stray Dog is a chocolate lab, and a male.  Measha + Stray Dog = puppies.  Maybe?  It would be nice.  However, we do not want to feed 2 dogs (and Dave Ramsey [a.k.a. the Budget] won’t allow another $35 to go to pets) and really, Stray Dog SHOULD go home, wherever that is.

Step 6:  Somehow get Measha IN the addition to eat her food while keeping Stray Dog OUT.  Keep in mind I am allergic to these lovely critters and am trying, in the midst my of zoo-keeping duties, to touch them and be touched by them as little as possible.  I call Measha in (who now doesn’t WANT to come in, because I just chased her OUT half an hour ago when I fed the cats) and tell Stray Dog to stay out.  Measha edges half in, Stray Dog right beside her.  Insert several sneezes.  I yell at Stray Dog.  Measha thinks I’m yelling at her and backs out.  Cat #1 (the brave, stupid, annoying one) tries to work in past the dogs for a second course.  I block her passage with my foot, and call Measha back, while giving Stray Dog a dark look and muttering about my husband’s gun.  Eventually (I’m not even sure how success was finally achieved) Measha is in, and Stray Dog and Cat #1 are out.

Step 7:  Baby has climbed up against the door, watching excitedly and thinking this is even better than TV!!!  So now I have to carefully open the door and edge my way into the house without knocking the baby over backwards on her head because she is plastered up against the door.

Step 8:  Sneeze four times in a row again.  While all animals are occupied on the back deck, I grab the water pail off the front deck and run hot water into it to melt the ice.  Sneeze.  I set it back outside, wash my hands thoroughly with hot water and soap, and blow my nose several times.  The animals are fed.

Step 9:  Nope, wait, I still need to let Measha out.  Thankfully no other animals are waiting to pounce.  She happily runs out and I go back inside to sneeze, wash, and blow again.  Lovely.

Step 10:  Seriously consider making husband do Zoo-Keeping duties.

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One thought on “What is this?! A farm!? A zoo!?!?

  1. Ha!! You are a great story teller!! You had me mezmerized!! I can picture it well and laughed. Great way of entertaining Elianna, I guess at the expense of your sneezes, Sorry life is so complicated! 🙂

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